Advent wasn’t something my husband or I grew up celebrating to any great extent. While my mum always bought me and my siblings a paper calendar with little doors to open for the month of December, that wasn’t part of my husband’s Christmas traditions. My family were Christ-followers so I grew up with the ‘real’ Christmas story and carols and nativities and all that but my husband did not. My father mostly worked abroad so Christmas always included looking forward to him coming home and a drive to the airport in the dark. (I don’t know why the drive is always dark in my memories.)
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Why we started embracing Advent
Even though we don’t come from families that embraced Advent, the season has become very important to our family for several reasons. Because we’ve lived overseas for most of our adult lives and returned ‘home’ each December for Christmas meant the season always involved travel and planning and living in someone else’s home for the holidays. Advent was the part of Christmas that helped my young children understand how long it was until they got to see their grandparents, until the long car drive, until we got on the plane, etc. Living in an international environment Advent also gave us opportunity to ensure we were all remembering the purpose of Christmas and the reason for celebration.
Advent with toddlers and teenagers
Our five children are just over ten years apart, youngest to oldest, so when the youngest was still happy with a gold chocolate coin from a pocket in a fabric wall hanging for each day during December, the teenagers were starting to lose interest. Not losing interest enough to want to let go entirely of the chocolate, you understand, but they were losing excitement over the chocolate coin.
I wanted the teenagers to enjoy the same excitement they always had for the Christmas season and so looked for ways to encourage it. As an expat family living overseas Christmas always included travelling back ‘home’ and lots of planning/packing so I wanted to ensure that we kept the Christ-in-Christmas-thing especially as it wasn’t part of our local culture in China.
So I developed ways to keep the excitement of Christmas and embrace the meaning of Advent with my teenagers. I wanted them to anticipate all the good things they associated with Christmas along with its true significance to us as Christ followers.
What to do when teenagers aren't interested in Advent
I’ve been frustrated plenty of times when my teenagers (or tweens or even my kids) aren’t as engaged with something as I think they should be. And that’s applicable to plenty more than just Advent!
I follow someone on Instagram (@raisingteenstoday) who recently reminded us that there are only 364 Saturdays and 7 birthdays in the teenage period. This resonated with me so much because one of my teens is now 19, one 18 and one isn’t a teen anymore because she’s 21!
I have wasted days and I’ve wasted events by being grumpy, which is just so silly when there aren’t many days to waste. In terms of Advent, linking to the comment above, there are only 7 Christmases and 7 Advents.
The ‘secret’ that I learned the hard way is just to keep going. And to not get in a mood about any of their non-joyful eye-rolling slouching.
Don’t tell them this, but teenagers and toddlers aren’t so very different: they both like eating yummy treats and even joining in the cookie decorating. Teenagers are even better because sometimes they also load the dishwasher which a toddler would never do well.
The activities I plan might sometimes seem lame but doing something together is often the foundation for doing more things together. It can seem awkward at first, especially if you’re not used to doing it, but don’t give up. And don’t get grumpy. Don’t let your disappointment show if the people you planned for aren’t doing the activity as you intended–I promise some good will come out of it.
So, I stay cheerful, I stick to my plan but am not afraid to cut short my talking. I try not to preach, I try to ask questions and listen. (I’m not always very good at this but I’m practising.)
How we do Advent
Our Advent season always includes certain elements: remembering the Christmas story, spending time with each other, making memories and looking for ways share our joy with others.
This 2020 Christmas will be the very first Christmas our family has spent alone. Until three Christmasses ago I had never spent a Christmas not with my parents: it was a tough adjustment to see them only on Skype and a great lesson in how not to be jealous of my siblings in my mid-forties.
If Christmas will look very different then some things need to be even more stable. Like how our family does Advent. If the way we see our world shifts, then we need to remember our place and purpose in it.
Some of our family Advent traditions
In the expandable sections below I list what I do with my teenagers and include links to download printables to share
With my childhood memories of watching TV presenters make an Advent crown with two old coathangers and some tinsel, and then some confusion over how much religion is too much religion in my teenage years, I started loving the act of lighting candles on the four Sundays preceding Christmas when I moved to German speaking Switzerland the second time. If you’re interested, you can read about where this tradition came from here (spoiler alert: it wasn’t the church and neither was it those pagans).
You can see my Advent crown in the carousel of photos above. (Mine is not a round crown but rather a rectangle!) I plan to add more lighter green and some white foliage nearer Christmas day to brighten it as a table centre-piece.
We had the cardboard calendars with doors when I was a child and I loved them. (I still have the last one I got as a teenager myself.) For my daughter’s second Christmas my mum gave her a reusable fabric calendar which we also still have. As the number of kids increased so their chocolate coins no longer fitted in the tiny pockets.
In Switzerland, I was introduced to the countdown to the Christkind’s arrival on Christmas eve by the giving of small Advent gifts throughout December. Over the years we’ve tried displaying them as cute as they are in the magazines and shop windows here but our home just ends up looking like an ugly Etsy shop or a jumble sale. There’s just no way to display 125 miniature parcels or envelopes in any subtle way.
If you have a sensible number of children, unlike me, here is a link to some really gorgeous Advent countdown displays.
This year I am displaying them in the area next to the hearth inside and around a wooden stable. It will look a mess to begin with but as the bags are removed, the stable animals will start to be seen and eventually the innkeeper and his family, then Mary, Joseph and Jesus.
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My children loved books from when they were little and so I collected Christmas books for a basket that we kept out at Christmas. We still have many of them as they are memories for the children and they like to look at them even just briefly. One day perhaps their children will read them.
Books my teenagers’ enjoy are listed here:
Faith-based Christmas fiction for older readers:
Treasures of the Snow by Patricia St. John; The Fourth King by Ted Sieger; Mary’s First Christmas by Walter Wangerin; The Littlest Angel by Charles Tazewell; The Candle in the Window by Grace Johnson (based on a story by Leo Tolstoy).
Holiday fiction for older readers:
Letters From Father Christmas by J. R. R. Tolkein; Let It Snow by John Green, Maureen Johnson and Lauren Myracle; Oranges for Christmas by Margarita Morris; A Boy Called Christmas by Matt Haig; Doctor Who: Twelve Doctors of Christmas
Faith-based Non-fiction for older readers:
The Case For Christmas by Lee Strobel; The Weirdest Nativity by Andrew Sachs and Jonathan Gemmell;
Poetry & Art
Bethlehem by Carol Ann Duffy; The Christmas Truce by Carol Ann Duffy; The Christmas Story Told Through Paintings by Richard Mühlberger; The Art of Advent by Jane Williams; Well Loved Carols (A Ladybird Book); The Puffin Book of Christmas Poems compiled by Wes Magee; Christmas Poems chosen by Gaby Morgan;
Disclaimer: Some of these links are Amazon affiliate links. Should you purchase one of these through this link we may receive a small payment but it does not affect the price you pay at all. And, we had these books waaaaaay before Amazon affiliates was even a thing.
For Christmas picture books and books for younger readers, see below in our ‘Legacy Advent Items’
Keeping items from the Christmases they remembered has helped our family whenever we move and have to ‘start over’ away from friends and familiar places. The carbon footprint of these things may be high, but they have soothed many a sorrowful heart and helped many a transition.
My teenagers still want to see the Christmas & Advent items from their childhoods, even with their missing pieces… I will show you photos here when I get them out the loft
Picture books:
Playmobil Nativity Set.
Knitted Nativity (pattern from Woman’s Weekly magazine)
Decorations and Christmas art they made as children
Photographs: of us at Christmas, or of family friends that are specifically holiday related. We display these tokens of our affection at Christmas time.
Our family loves food. Teenage boys eat a lot. We have certain foods we associate with Christmas, and less limits on fizzy beverages. I will share recipes and links here
This started only a few years ago and the first one was just around our little group of houses. It gave a me an hour or so without them on Christmas eve to have some time with my husband and drink a cup of tea while it was still warm. Having teenagers meant they could take out the younger ones 🙂
I only realised this was necessary one year when I found myself yelling at my children in the week before Christmas. I was yelling at them because I didn’t think they were embracing the real Christmas story enough. (I’m so ashamed and I’m sure no one except me has ever done anything so terrible to their children. Until the first time I told someone and then realised I was not the only one after all.) I realised that awful afternoon that I needed to remember to get my own heart in order and so, since then, I have intentionally made time for me and my heart.
I choose a Faith-based Advent/Christmas book to read
I choose a devotional book each year to read over the month of December. Often, I find myself falling behind or still reading in January but I have taught myself that something is better than nothing. If I didn’t try I would do nothing at all. If I read ten Christmas reflections over the month then I should be pleased not beating myself up.
Advent/Christmas books I’ve enjoyed for this purpose:
Hidden Christmas by Timothy Keller; Looking Forward to The Nativity (A Family Christmas Devotional) by Jon Farrar; Redeeming Advent by Lucy Rycroft
This year I wrote my own Advent devotional book called His Purpose Our Privilege. You can find it here and read all about it here.
I plan relaxation time
I chose a christmassy fiction book to read. I schedule some of my favourite Christmas movies to read like a rom-com or a one of the classic ’emotional’ ones.
I will try to plan and set aside time to do my nails, have a long bath, a face mask, some things that make me feel nice before Christmas. When I’m running around and super busy meeting everyone else’s needs I end up putting myself or neglecting myself completely. When I turn up at the party/potluck/women’s brunch and “everyone else looks beautiful except me’ I can feel sad. On Christmas morning when I’m getting the children ready (or when I used to) and they look gorgeous but I realise I haven’t got anything clean to wear that matches, I can feel frustrated. When I feel sad about how I look I can be a downer. So I plan stuff like that into my schedule.
I try to plan ahead
I try to plan out my December in November. Especially I forward plan all the children’s advent stuff. On the years when I haven’t done this I fall behind and find myself getting irritable which is like the opposite of the purpose.
I plan my cooking
I plan my cooking so that I can be most financially efficient and only buy what I need in the most economical way.
Planning meals in detail also means if someone asks ‘Do you need any help?’ I can answer “Yes, please, this…’ which makes everyone happy 🙂
Click on the blue heading to read what’s inside.
Me and Father Christmas
Father Christmas (Santa Claus) and I used to have a complicated relationship but by living in Switzerland and reading more about the stories of St. Nicholas, I now have a role for him for December. He helps me talk about generosity, serving the poor and standing up for our faith. And we do like a glass of coca-cola at Christmas 🙂
From the beginning we never told our children that Father Christmas brought their gifts because we wanted them to thank the person who purchased the gift and gave it to them. As a concession, the children hung (and still hang) stockings on their beds on Christmas eve for Father Christmas to fill, but even from when they were very young I have made sure they understand that it is really I who buy and fill the stockings, and this activity is merely a little game. They get to ask Father Christmas for silly, inexpensive little things that mummy would not normally get them. Ensuring that my children can trust I will tell them the truth is very important to me, and I didn’t want Father Christmas muddying the waters in that regard. I also didn’t want my kids being “those kids” who ratted out Father Christmas’ identity to other kids so I was hyper-vigilant for that.
Christmas in other cultures
Living in different countries and having friends of all different nationalities gives us the great privilege of seeing all sorts of different Christmas traditions and allows us to have discussions with our children about what is real about Christmas and what is cultural.