My children tease me when I don’t work on my ‘book’ as they call it. They call me all the names I call them when they don’t do their homework straightaway after school. I am a known procrastinator in my family. They tease me about that too.
I wonder often why I don’t write on my projects but write on other things or fill my time with other things. I often fall back to a place where I decide I’m not a real writer and tell myself I’m lazy. Lately, I’ve come to own that name of lazy more and more and it’s made me feel worse. If I was less lazy then I would write more. If I were less lazy then I’d do this reading, or that research.
Procrastinators are not lazy
Interestingly, a week or so ago I listened to a podcast on procrastination (WorkLife with Adam Grant). The presenter was interviewing Margaret Atwood (author of The Handmaid’s Tale among other works). I was surprised to learn that Atwood is a procrastinator too, and even more surprised to hear that she has labelled herself lazy in the past. I listened to these psychologists unpack procrastination and talk about why people do it. Their research shows them that people procrastinate not to avoid work, but to avoid feelings. Grant argues that many of the things procrastinators do to avoid ‘work’ take even more effort and even more hard work than simply doing the thing they are putting off. How many times can I recall completely an arduous or dirty job when I planned to write? I know he’s right but it all seems so bizarre.
If I love writing so much, what could be the feelings that it brings up that I don’t want to face?
Well, that happened to be easy. When I write I feel like I am being self indulgent. I hear the voices of all the people in my life who’ve ever said I’ll never be a real writer, that writing is something for other people. I hear my own voice telling me I’ve nothing new or interesting to say, and I’m probably not as good a writer as I think I am. No wonder I put off writing! Who wants to hear that negativity?
So what to do? Listen to myself, I guess, and then decide who I want to believe.
My WIP actions this week
- When I find myself putting off editing my WIP I will tune into what feelings I’m feeling and identify where they come from
- Continue through my cards for the characters in my WIP to see where my characters are growing, and specifically identify their goals
Because we are all sheltering at home, or social distancing, I shall be reading my daughter’s bedtime story live on Instagram tonight. It’s chapter one of The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader by C. S. Lewis.
Cheer me on!
Love Tifainé