Perhaps your family is super easy to love every day. Even if everyone in my family were right at the top of the easy to love scale, they might be put to the test because I’m in their family and I’m certainly not!

In the first of Paul’s letters to the believers in Corinth he writes, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV) Lately, I have had the opportunity to love like that. I say opportunity, because it’s been my choice. I’ve had the choice to behave lovingly, or not. The choice to be patient, or not. The choice to keep a list of the wrongs done to me, or not. Other people who love me have questioned what I’m doing, and why. They advised tighter boundaries and harder lines. The argued I needed to protect myself better and give of myself less. Each time a new person asks me to change how I behave, I’m forced to ask myself whether they are right, whether I’m crazy, and whether perhaps I should behave differently as they suggest. I write this tonight having just come out of another such conversation with someone where their bottom line was “stop loving like that, Tifainé”. I know their aim is to protect me; I know they care about me.

It’s not easy to love like Paul asks, and it’s also not easy to hear loved-ones tell us we’re wrong. I’m sure it’s not easy for those who love me to witness me loving in a counter-cultural way. “Do you want me to keep going like this?” I whisper to Jesus for the hundredth time.

Downs doesn’t tell us exactly how to love difficult family members, although she does remind us that we should. She writes we love by “following the example of God, who lives and breathes forgiveness and grace.” Those verses in Corinthians are full of the how tos. It takes courage, though. Courage to keep going when it’s unrewarding. Courage to endure being hurt. Courage to persevere when we’re advised to give up or act in other ways. Courage to be different. Downs suggests we ask God for wisdom with those in our family who baffle us; that we pray for the courage to stick with our family and love them as they are, the way God has loved us. Jesus loves me when I’m quite unloveable. Jesus is patient with me when I’m stubborn and rebellious. Jesus is kind to me when I don’t deserve it. Jesus has never kept a list of my wrong-doings. Jesus has never sought his own gain over mine and he has never, ever dishonoured me. Dear Jesus, help me to be brave enough to love like you do. If I’m going to be brave in anything at all, may I be brave in love.