“You hear a lie, you treat it like truth, and it begins to define you, like a label. And then you act out of that label.”
Annie F. Downs, Day 6
Labels are tough things. It’s hard to pinpoint where we even picked them up. Sometimes it’s difficult to realise we even have them, they are so ‘natural’ to us.
When we tell a friend she is brave and she dismisses us, perhaps that’s because of one of her labels.
How can we spot when what we believe about ourselves is true and when it’s not?
It’s strange how so few of the labels I’ve kept for myself are positive or helpful.
But Annie Downs draws a clear link: we act out of the labels we give ourselves.
I very often feel unqualified. Not good enough. Acting out of that label I give up, procrastinate or, worse, kill my ideas before they begin. And I can find myself feeling jealous of others who achieve the dreams I had for myself. I’m just being honest, sorry if that sounds a bit… you know…horrible of me.
I’m a very big fan of intentionally using scripture verses to speak truth to myself. At my last home I had over twenty verses printed out and stuck to my bedroom cabinet, my bathroom mirror and inside the door of one of my kitchen cupboards. My goal last year was to believe for more days than not that God loved me. Me as I am. Me now. Not me ‘when I’ve…’
I can honestly say that speaking scripture verses about God’s love for me (even during the times when I felt silly doing it) began to change how I viewed myself. But it’s still a choice to believe it. Even more than a year later.
I said earlier that very often I feel unqualified. Not good enough. But who is more qualified than me to tell my story? Who is more qualified than me to say, ‘This is what Tifainé used to be like/think like, and this is what she’s like now’?
PS I was thinking of making myself an actual physical label, a sign, saying Brave. But then I felt a bit silly. Maybe I could use a post it note as a first step 😉
I relate to your comment of how can we spot when what we believe is true or not? I wrote in my journal I wonder what lies and labels I’ve given a home and not even known it?!
I’d be willing to say most of the thoughts we have aren’t true. In the 1 Samuel story I only found one truth about David that was “negative” and that was he was small. Most of the other accusations people made of him weren’t even the case
I wonder how David felt about the things people said of him. He was brave to be himself, I think, to speak out when his brothers were shouting him down.
I agree it’s hard to determine all our labels. I pray we allow God to expose what’s not true, and that He replaces it with what is. He knows us best, right? Thanks for sharing. Love Tifainé
I want to change labels that I’ve given my kids. Ones that don’t honor who they are as individuals and the way in which they’re designed purposefully by God. It won’t happen overnight because it’s going to take some deeper digging on what and why I want them to act a certain way or do something. I feel crushed under the weight of the label of ‘middle school’ and define that the information that surrounds me and my daughter about this stage often leads to slipping into the somewhat true but not-necessary-to-be-that-way expectations. How does one not conform to the patterns/ labels of this world (some times well intentionally researched to understand human behaviors)? And be transformed by the renewing of our minds?
That’s so powerful & challenging Deepali. Changing the labels we give others (especially the ones we love most, like our children). Your questions seem to have to have them answer in what the author asks us to pray on Day 7–“God tell me the truth of who I am”—or in your case “Tell me the truth of who they are.” Seems to me that you’re asking all the right questions. And I commit to praying for you (and for all those reading along with this Book Chat) that God shows the labels he wants us to have. Love Tifainé
Interesting perspective. I can see myself in some of your comments. Thanks for sharing
❤️
A common theme through my therapy which is also vivid through scripture is the evidence. What is the evidence that you are unqualified or that the lies that you tell yourself or that you hear are true?
Sometimes it’s a spontaneous feeling. Sometimes it’s a knee-jerk reaction.
Most of the time it’s a case of believing and waiting to see the outcome. In almost all cases you will see that the negativity is unfounded and that you are great. You are qualified because you are unqualified in Gods eyes. And that’s the way it’s meant to be.
Takes patience and perseverance. We can all be a David facing our daily Goliaths. It’s not easy though.
“Patience and perseverance” oh yes I agree. Patience with ourselves when we fall short of our own standards. Perseverance to keep going. We’re on the right track: using God as our evidence. You are so right. Thank you
“The story I am telling myself is….”
This is a Brene Brown classic line. Brene describes how she has used it time and time again to salvage potentially very destructive situations.
And how it goes is like this..
There are the external facts of a circumstance. And then the “inner chat” which makes sense of the external.
Ok so what? Well the “so what” is that often the inner chat does not adequately or appropriately represent what is going on “externally”. The inner chat often ascribes all sorts of emotions (often negative) and judgements to a situation.
Worse still, it then acts on the “inner chat”; often leaving the other party to the situation understandably bewildered.
When we’re in pain, we create a narrative to help us make sense of it. This story doesn’t have to be based on any real information. One dismissive glance from a coworker can instantly turn into I knew she didn’t like me.
I responded to Matt so defensively because when I’m in doubt, the “I’m not enough” explanation is often the first thing I grab.
It’s like my most comfy sweatpants—may not be flattering or smelling good but it’s pretty comfortable. That is until I see myself in a mirror and realize that this is not an accurate portrayal of who I am.
The truth is our stories are mostly also about self-protection. I told myself Matt was blaming me so I could be mad instead of admitting that I was feeling out of control or feeling inadequate. Being mad gave me sense of permission so that could disengage from the tougher stuff that might require me to take a look at me. It was never about him. That’s what we humans tend to do. If we feel exposed or hurt, we find someone to blame, or blame ourselves before anyone else can, or just pretend we don’t care.
This was today’s brave. Coming face to face with “the stories” that myself and others have told. It doesn’t actually matter what is truth and what is perception ~ but instead the acknowledgment that these stories exist within the individual narratives of people that I care for. What happens next is anyone’s guess.
That’s such wise advice to remember to ask ourselves those questions, and reflect on whether our reactions match the reality or only our internal story. Thank you
Whew! I get too caught up in the ‘labels’ from those closest to me. For example: my parents. Whether their labels of me are true or helpful I try to live up to them and sometimes that is to my own detriment. I am going to look at these labels, look at the ‘stories that go along with them’, and begin to pray about what is truth and what is an inaccurate label that is not helpful to who I really am.
That’s so brave Amanda, and so wise. I will be praying for you too. I pray that God reveals to you what he sees when he looks at you. Love Tifainé
Whew! I get too caught up in the ‘labels’ from those closest to me. For example: my parents. Whether their labels of me are true or helpful I try to live up to them and sometimes that is to my own detriment. I am going to look at these labels, look at the ‘stories that go along with them’, and begin to pray about what is truth and what is an inaccurate label that is not helpful to who I really am.
Day 6 got really personal for me, as I recently articulated to my husband that I feel broken, but I know that is a lie. It isn’t that I feel emotionally broken, but I feel like my body is broken because it isn’t “normal.” I have a genetic disorder which Satan has used to call me broken and label me in so many untrue ways. It honestly feels much too personal to fully disclose in an open forum, though I would be happy to share the details in a private message should someone ask me.